Date #48 – continued ✅

My last post about J was left with me feeling like I needed a break from him and that’s precisely what happened. I thought about him from time to time, but the break felt good. He contacted me the following week – the day after I wrote the last post about him actually. Typical! We just had a little chat, which was nice. The following week he was back in contact again “Hi Veronica! Long time we don’t speak.” I have two things to say about this: 1. He rarely uses my name, so much so that I asked him what it was once just to check (lol). 2. It had only actually been a week since we had spoken and two and a half weeks since we had seen each other, which isn’t that long and not vastly different from our usual timetable. I got the sense that he was missing me and perhaps his appreciation for me had increased, which was how I wanted it to be if we were to continue being intimate. He’d always been very attentive with me and very sweet, smiley, friendly, chatty etc, but I was uncertain whether he really cared about me anymore than one human cares about the next, when there is no intimacy or closeness involved. For those who follow my blog, you may recall my concerns about being used.

J was going on holiday for a couple of weeks in September, so he suggested that we get together before he left. I was ready to see him again and we agreed that he would come to my place on Saturday 3 September 2016, in the evening. Great! What actually happened was he called me on the Friday night, while he was out on the town with a couple of friends and asked if he could come round, with them in tow. Well, I was most surprised that I would get to meet some of his friends. They came round and we had fun partying. It was just what I needed after a couple of weeks of solid work and little play. At one point in the evening, he quietly said to me “You know what this means, don’t you?” as he pointed to his friends being present. I gathered he was referring to our union becoming a little more serious and it safely moved me out of the “secret” zone.

His friends left on the Saturday and J ended up staying until Monday morning. We had such a nice weekend together, lazing around, having a mahoosive Netflix session watching the entire second season of Narcos and a couple of awesome sex sessions. I cooked and he ate enough for five people. I popped to the supermarket on the Sunday evening to get a couple of bits. I came back with a large baguette so that he could make himself, what I thought would be, a small sandwich, even though we’d already had dinner. He said “Oh, I won’t eat all of that.”, yet he managed to do just that in 30 minutes! God knows where he puts it in that perfectly svelte, masculine body. He is physically sublime. Also, J gave up eating meat a few months ago (and smoking too), so while we were together I didn’t eat meat. I found it surprisingly easy and it’s something I’ve wanted to do for so long. Sheer laziness is the only thing that stopped me. One of the things I like about J the most is that he stimulates and inspires me often. Since then, I’ve watched the documentary Cowspiracy, as well as Food Inc., and I’m now attempting to overhaul myself as a vegan because, OMG, what the fuck are we doing to this planet and other living creatures just to satisfy our human greed? Sorry, I digress!

As much as I enjoyed our time together, when Monday morning arrived I felt exhausted and I was glad when J left. That has little to do with him and I probably would have been happy if he’d stayed. I just haven’t spent that much time with someone, romantically, for a very long time – almost a decade in fact. I wasn’t used to it and I’m a creature who very much needs my own space from time to time. Plus, I was hosting, which is exhausting in itself. My initial instinct, as I reflected on the experience, was “I don’t want to be in a relationship.” However, I knew that he was leaving the country a few days later so I definitely wouldn’t see him for a couple of weeks. As time passed, I began to miss him and I thought about him a lot. The next week, while he was away, I text him just to let him know that I was thinking about him and he seemed very pleased to hear from me. Then, when it was time to come home again, he text me to say he hoped to see me when he returned, that week.

We spent last weekend together again – he came round Friday evening and left Sunday afternoon. Again, it was a very enjoyable time, but, also again, I was glad when he left. I’ve really enjoyed the pace of our journey together thus far. It’s not pressured or consuming and I still get excited about seeing him. Our union is still very casual though and the only downside to that is it could end anytime without warning or explanation. But, I don’t think J is the kind of person who would treat me like that and I wouldn’t do that to him. He’s made mistakes with women in the past and recognises them openly, which is refreshing. He certainly has a conscience and is a nice person, I believe.

What I care about the most is not whether I’m in a relationship, but when someone acts like they don’t care about me. I’m finding common courtesy is sadly lacking these days. I’ve always wanted to be friends with my dates. Well, a lot of them anyway. There’s no reason not to be when we had such a nice time together. Just recently, I discovered that one of the guys I’ve developed a good friendship with (#15) had disappeared on WhatsApp. He came round for dinner not long ago and we had a pleasant evening together, so I really couldn’t understand it. I thought he’d deleted my number or blocked me and I was really sad about it. But then he checked back in just yesterday and explained that he’d changed his number. Phew! I really value our friendship, and that’s the same with J. I consider him a very good friend now, albeit with benefits at the moment. I’m really pleased that I’ve managed to make this type of arrangement work for longer than just a few weeks, like with #7 and #19. There’s even a possibility that he MIGHT move in with me in a couple of months, but I’ll leave that discussion for another chapter perhaps 😉

Whatever happens today does not provide any guarantees for tomorrow. I shall continue to enjoy my time with J for however long that may be.

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