Date #58 ❌

G, 28, English

I recently received a request on my Instagram page @mytindertainment to show more examples of conversations that lead to dates. There are a number of screenshots on the page from people I have been on dates with, though I don’t always draw attention to that. For the most part, however, they’re screenshots of people I don’t meet because they’re often more entertaining, and I can only show snippets of conversations on there. Plus, I go into a lot of detail with my actual dates, so I feel like I already show my audience enough.

Nevertheless, due to the request, I thought I would include a copy of the conversation that led to this particular date, as an example, purely because there are people out there who want advice, to see what works and doesn’t work. I’ve recently been waging war against the exceptionally bland and insincere greetings “Hi” or “Hi. How are you?” . I must get around twenty of those per week. Some days/weeks there are more, it depends on the traffic. I often don’t respond to those kinds of messages because I find them boring and insincere. I simply do not believe that strangers REALLY care about the answer when they ask someone how they are, and even when it’s between friends I’m not convinced there’s a great deal of sincerity either. To me, it’s become a habitual greeting that we just say to each other without thinking.

The following example is the kind of hello that I will respond to, where the other person shows some kind of interest in me uniquely, rather than just messaging 100 people with the same bland opener to see who will respond. It’s so obvious when they do that. I go on dates with people who show genuine interest in me, not with the next available person.

So, I connected with G on 7 October 2016 on OkCupid.

Evening,

Lovely smile – caught my attention. Your profile sounds very direct and honest about what you want and don’t want (which is good). What are you currently watching on Netflix? P.s I’m a good kisser x

G

Ha, thanks, G is it?

I guess my profile matches my personality then. Always pleased to know there are good kissers out there! But I guess that’s subjective. I like a good documentary and Netflix services my needs. I hardly ever watch TV. Recently watched Cowspiracy, Food Inc. The Zeitgeist docu-movies are always good. Last night I watched Amanda Knox at the suggestion of someone else. It was good. Something different which doesn’t involve saving the planet. Are you having fun on OkC and where are you from?

Veronica

Yes. It’s G. I’m efficient with spelling and grammar – it’s the site. I think it does. I’m glad your pleased to hear that I a good kisser also! TV is rubbish largely. With the Internet / cheap dvds, you can look to better material out there. I only joined 2 hours ago. Too early to judge. I’m mixed race. Father english. Mum is mixed race.

Wow, hello OkC virgin! I mean, G.

G will be fine! Lol

What’s your heritage then? And you’re multi-lingual?

Dad’s side are from Devon and Cornwall.  Mum is mixed race (black and indian).

Also, I love that you say you’re efficient with spelling and then go on to spell incorrectly

I can speak Spanish at intermediate level and Italian somewhere between beginner to intermediate lol

You seem to have got the hang of this exceptionally quickly! Sounds like my level of Italian, maybe.

The hang of what?

OkC. Straight in there messaging girls

Is the protocol for a man to wait to be messaged?

Haaaa no, you’ll be waiting a loooong time if you did that.

I see.

When I first signed up, I had no clue how to work it. Then again, I was being bombarded with messages so never really got the chance.

I hope you don’t class my messages as bombarding! I’m not your average man

Oh not at all. I was fresh meat then so all the fuckboys’ alarms went off simultaneously.

I see. Perverts. Shame. I’m open minded and like sex. But I’m looking for it in a relationship.Preferably with someone who I have a good bond with and who intrigues me.

I concur. Having a special bond with someone makes it better. I’m not opposed to casual sex, as long as it’s meaningful. But I’m not in the mood for casual sex now. Been there, done that. Not necessarily looking for a husband, but I feel like I want something more than a fling.

Glad to hear. I hope I can help

Lol. Tell me about you then.

How are your studies going?

Yeah, they’re going well thanks darling. Just started uni again this week. It’s great to be back. I love it.

I did a law degree. I miss studying.

Wow, super clever then.

Although, I’ve done professional qualifications with XXX, XXX and XXX. I work for XXX. I wear a sexy uniform too.

Law interests me a lot. Awesome.

Do you like a man in uniform?

Erm, sometimes, yes.

It all depends on the man inside the uniform. I come with two ‘batons’ though! Haha

If it’s a McDonald’s uniform, that doesn’t usually result in any magic in my knickers.

It’s certainly not a McDonald’s uniform haha. What else would you like to know?

Live alone?

With flatmates. Will be finding a new place for a new job role at the start of December.

What’s the new role?

Same thing. But different location. Do you live alone?

I do.

Ok. Does it get lonely at times?

My flat mate moved out a couple of months ago. I’m enjoying living alone even though it’s costing me a fortune. Need a little me time. I like my own company, so it’s not too lonely.

I see. It’s always good to have some me time. Well, you can have some G time too.

Sounds like you’re inviting yourself over G.

Well, G time doesn’t necessarily have to be at yours.

Indeed it doesn’t. What’s your ideal date?

Hmmm. Dinner / lunch at a nice restaurant and location followed by a long walk in nice scenery with a good atmosphere. The company is important too.

Oh you old romantic. What food and drink do you like?

I can be. I have other sides to me too.

Hahahaha yes I know you’re just dying to tell me about that side. Because truthfully G, you’d like to get laid, right?

I love good quality coffee. At home, I like to keep things healthy.  But I love Chinese / oriental, pasta, curries, nandos and burgers (the good types like Byrons Hamburgers, honest burgers). Not dying know [sic]. I’m a disciplined man. I can wait until the time is right.

What’s your idea of good sex?

Lots of oral, kissing / intimacy. Good communication to build comfort between the two of us. Variety in positions. I practice yoga. Quite toned and flexible.

Giving or receiving or both (oral)? Favourite position(s)?

Both.. I love giving oral.

Boobs, bums, both, something else?

Doggy, me on top with legs over shoulders. One where I am side on. I forget the Indian name for it. You asking about fav body part?

The latter position you mentioned is not one of my faves. Love doggy and missionary with my legs wrapped around him or spread wide.

Good. It seems we like the same positions bar that one.

Yes, are you a boob man or…?

Ummmm. I do like a nice bum.

I also love cowgirl. Yeeeeehaaaaaw

It’s not one I do often. But if you enjoy it hun. What size are you? Best assets?

It’s the best position for me to come, or missionary SLOWLY. Doggy is sexy and I love a good fucking but I don’t come from it. What size are you asking about?

Well I’ll remember cowgirl! I love to hold on from behind in doggy. I often pump away for a bit. Body size.

Size 18.

Ok. Curvy. Best assets? (Boobs, legs, bum)

Lol yeah I realise curvy is the polite way of saying fat and that’s pretty factual.

I prefer bigger build on a woman.

You’re asking what I consider to be my best asset?

Or bbw as they say now. In terms of body, yes. You might have a few good assets. Non-physical there are numerous anyway.

Haaaaa like? My honesty usually goes down well. Confidence is another plus point so I’m told, but it depends what the confidence is in relation to. I’m confident about my personality. I’m confident about some of my looks, but it’s societal pressure that causes problems there. I think I’m an attractive girl. I know I’m sexy, but I don’t have a beautiful body, in terms of society’s expectations. My boobs are very popular. I’m happy to have them but to me they’re just a pair of boobs, though they love lots of attention. I never considered I had a nice ass but that seems to be very popular too. I’d say my best assets are my face and legs, but you know beauty is subjective. What do you see? The only part I don’t like is the middle – my belly. I guess things could be worse for me

Your right. Things could be worse. I see a lovely smile. Nice Brown eyes and brunette hair – soft dark looks. I see a nice pair of boobs too.

 For you, physically, I see luscious lips, a decent head of hair and very nice skin. You look quite muscly too. I appreciate a toned body, but I’m not into gym freaks. But, like men, I find confidence (not arrogance) very attractive, so if someone is content with themselves that’s good enough for me.

Thanks. I have olive skin. Thick dark hair. I’m more toned these days. My legs and bum and slimmer. Not as thick around torso but still sexy. I have more energy and stamina these days. I’m content with myself.

You seem like a nice chap and that’s definitely a plus. As you studied law I’m hoping you have an incredible mind because I really find that very attractive. I must be able to have a decent conversation. I’m constantly seeking inspiration. But I don’t trust anyone, particularly on dating apps, so while you seem nice, I’ll have to reserve judgement for if and when we meet. Then I can look into your eyes and see who you really are. I’m like Judge Judy – a truth machine.

Sounds sensible. I hope I’m the full package for you hun

See what happens I guess. No pressure. Most of all I like to meet nice, honest people. Not interested in drama. Definitely don’t want to be used for an easy fuck. I want to enjoy my life and not be upset. Friends over anything is lovely. Sex is one of life’s greatest pleasures so it’s important to me too. I want to enjoy it while I’m young-ish

I guess we will. I agree. I am quite virile but don’t pelt it around. It would be nice to find someone I have a genuine bond with who also likes sex.

I like virility.

Good. The yoga has helped me there.

I should get into that.

I can teach you. It’s good. Teaches you breath control. Helps delay orgasm.

That would be AWESOME! Ooooooo. Can it help me have multiple ones?

Well for me, gives stiffer erections.

Coz I don’t really want to delay things. I just want more of them. Greedy. I’ll have an orgasm for breakfast, lunch and dinner please. Morning sex is my fave. Such a good way to start the day.

Oh I’d love that before my late shifts. I do my morning yoga. Blood flows through my legs and I get a hard cock. I’m at my best with morning sex.

Ummmmm. Yummy

Your yoga man with 8inchs of throbbing cock! Or ‘steel’ these days. I like the new pics. Lovely dress. I’m off to bed. Shall we have a phone chat at some point over weekend. What’s your number?

I’m going to Ibiza tomorrow until next Saturday. I need to finish packing. I will exchange numbers with you once you confirm you have read my profile FULLY, particularly the bit at the end about messaging me.

Ok. Have a good trip. Apologies for that.

Apologies for what?

I have read your profile (a few times). I don’t want to come over as the many of men with the filth etc.

Hahaha

I should have just left it at I’m effective at morning sex after yoga.

So you understand that when I give you my number, if there’s a hint of sexual harassment I will unleash the fiery depths of hell on your ass, right?

Yes. I won’t harass you, in any shape or form.

Isn’t it unfortunate that I have to say this? Perhaps it will give you some idea of what we experience in this “equal” world.

Are you happy so far with me? I have friends who work in employment law (sexual harassment, bullying). I only know too well.

[Number given]. I do like you G, yes. I’m looking forward to meeting you.

Thanks. I like you too. Have a good time in Ibiza. Feel free to share a few bikini pics haha. I’m off to bed.

That last comment about bikini pics was off-putting to say the least. I’d just directed him to my profile, which says I’m not interested in virtual relationships or sharing naked pictures, and he confirmed that he’d read it. We had just connected. What makes a stranger think they are entitled, or that it is appropriate, to ask for naked or semi-naked pictures of someone?

Because of that, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to meet him after all. Any trust I have in someone can be entirely diminished in an instant. Also, I’d said I wasn’t interested in casual sex anymore (at least, not right now) and though he suggested the same he seemed to be very interested in steering the conversation towards sex and talking about the size of his penis. I like talking about sex and I find it very helpful in terms of compatibility, which is why I ask about positions and preferences. When I first started dating, that’s pretty much all I wanted, but now things are different. I didn’t really believe what he was telling me and my defences, in terms of men using or trying to use me, were well and truly up.

For the next week, while I was away, we didn’t speak. The day after I arrived home he was back in contact. He called me and we ended up chatting for an hour or so. He wanted to meet me, but my time was limited and, particularly after the holiday, I was broke. He said he would fund the first date. I said I could afford a couple of drinks, so we agreed that I would buy us a drink and he would buy dinner. We arranged to meet the following Saturday.

When the day arrived, I was feeling so tired and not enthusiastic about it. Plus, allowing people to buy me dinner isn’t something I tend to do. I’d certainly never expect it and have had arguments with my previous dates about it. I don’t want to take advantage of anybody and I don’t want them to take advantage of me. Also, the thought of having to make so much effort to meet him – shower, shave, blow dry and straighten hair, make-up and pick an outfit – was unappealing. I almost cancelled the date. The feminist within was screaming “Why should you have to do this? Why do women have to go to all this effort to ‘look pretty’ and skew their image, against nature, for a man? He, like most men, do very little. This is so unfair.” However, I managed to muster up the energy to do it (old habits die hard), but I arrived for our date almost 40 minutes late. Oops.

I met him at King’s Cross station, which is huge, and it took a long time for us to find each other. He basically wanted me to come and find him, but no, I wasn’t prepared to scour the entire station for him. I suggested we meet somewhere neutral and in the direction of the pub and restaurant we were going to. Eventually we came face to face. He looked a bit different to his pictures. I wasn’t particularly attracted to him, but I was happy to get to know him more and see if there was any kind of spark. He was a little weird, kind of anal. I didn’t feel overly relaxed in his company, even though he was friendly and chatty.

We made our way to the pub and witnessed a car accident en route. We approached the bar and, in line with our agreement, I went straight for my purse to buy the drinks. We later made our way to the restaurant I had suggested, but when we arrived they were fully booked. I had tried to book a table for us earlier that day, but they were only accepting reservations after 8pm and G wanted to meet at 6pm, so I hoped they would have room for us, as it was early. Unfortunately not.

We made our way across the road to an Italian restaurant instead. As we were checking the menu outside, I asked if it suited him. At this point he said “Yeah, the price is very reasonable.” But what I really wanted to know was if he actually liked what was on the menu. He went on to mention the reasonable price another two times. Continually drawing attention to it made me feel really uncomfortable. We are talking about a restaurant where starters are £5 – £7, mains are £8 – £11 and the desserts are £5 – £6. Hardly somewhere worthy of caviar and champagne. While I understood that he was happy with the price, I told him there was really no need to say it out loud. I then said perhaps I should buy my own food and he sort of laughed it off, saying he didn’t mind paying, but in a rather insincere manner.

By that point, I was really hungry and needed to eat, so we went inside. If I hadn’t been so hungry I probably would’ve called it a day. It really irritated me. We made an agreement – that’s the only reason I went on a date with him that night. It cost me money to get there and I’d already bought a round of drinks. I thought “Damn it, you are bloody well going to stick to our agreement.” His actions also dampened any possibility of a spark occurring. I felt like he’d enticed me with the offer of dinner just to get me out, but wasn’t really happy to abide by what he had promised, yet I had already abided by mine.

We had dinner and it was very nice. It was over dinner that he confirmed he was 28. I am pretty sure his OkC profile said he was 32. Unfortunately, I couldn’t check it because the day after we originally connected he disabled his profile. I had no idea he was so much younger than me and the realisation of that put me off, in addition to other things. I’ve had some lovely dates with younger guys, but for something more serious, age means a bit more to me because I feel it’s more likely that we won’t be on the same path.

When the bill came, I just ignored it. He picked it up and I could see him looking at me, and then he put it down. The bill was around £50 by the way. He kept picking the bill up and putting it down. My stubbornness towards that piece of paper was making me laugh inside, but I was sticking to my guns. The waiter came over with the card machine, at which point G says to me “So are we splitting it then?” I retorted “I thought you were paying for this?”, and he immediately relented and paid. I was furious that he’d put me in that position.

We left the restaurant and promptly made our way to the station. I couldn’t bear to be with him a minute longer. I got the general impression that the only reason for this date was because he thought he was going to get laid. Once we got to the station, I said goodbye and he tried to kiss me on the lips. Aside from the string of mozzarella hanging from his chin, after what had happened I obviously had no intention of giving him THAT kind of kiss. It was an awkward goodbye and I hauled my ass away from him.

I didn’t want to be so harsh to delete his number straight away and he continued to text me throughout the following week. A couple of days ago I didn’t respond to one of his texts and he made a point of that – I was working and there was nothing to respond to, FYI. I took the opportunity to let him know that nothing romantic would happen between us and that “all that rubbish over who was paying for dinner really pissed me off.” He thanked me for the feedback and ended with “Shame I won’t get to see your arse in the flesh lol.” Well, that just says it all, doesn’t it?

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